on the mind

some things i have been thinking about a lot...

1. being alone

and i don't mean lonely.  being lonely and being alone are obviously very different.  i used to hate being alone.  hate hate hate. i was afraid of it.  sometimes i would have to knock on my sisters room and just sit on her floor while she spent hours on the computer.  my anxiety dissolved when i heard the reassuring taptaptap from her keyboard.  i think i got over my fear of being alone because i became my own company.  when jenna left for college i got really into my school work and fleeting hobbies like knitting and scrapbooking and looking at old camp pictures... and then i picked up more permanent ones like writing and working out and going to starbucks. i dont know where this is going but the point is i like being alone sometimes. i can tolerate being alone. i am no longer as afraid of getting lonely because.. well fuck there is so much to think about all the time and i can create characters in stories i write and feel/think/react to things by myselffffffff... and also ski. ski ski ski ski alone

2. prom

all of a sudden senior prom maddness is sweeping the hallways of fuckkkking nvd. i want to vomit. personally i think prom is one of the tackiest "pre-planned fun" events on the planet. but i am going. i can't decide if i WANT to go or not, that's the thing.  alsoooo i just wish we could be innovative and resourceful and just make it MORP and do the prom completely bassackwards and wear like.. jeans and ridiculous colors and the girls can ask the guys and --- idk. no matter what i don't want a flower on my wrist.. those are uncomfy and unnatural. and lame.  on another note, im sure prom weekend will be bomb as hell and i wont remember a thing.

3. pizza

it's great.

4. people

some of them are great, too.

5. plays

i am writing one and it's a disaster.

6. teachers

what a mystery... 

7. college

just kidding.

8. cigarettes

9. struts

by this i mean the way people walk.

gait, pace, etc.

it's really interesting

10. connections, exchanges and reactions

these reveal so much about a person...

wow.

i'm a little frustrated right now because i don't have enough time to write what i want.

one day

i will

quit "life" and for myself just

write and play

wherever 

seems like a good

play and write space

which is 

almost

everywhere.